Daring to Give Up

“When a person really desires something, all the universe conspires to help that person to realize his dream.” — Paulo Coelho

I give up.

I can’t tell you how many times I’ve said that. Or how many times I’ve felt that. Or how many times I’ve heard that from other people. It’s like sometimes, everything is stopping us…no matter what, we can’t win. That must be a sign…right? It’s just not meant to be. So we let it go.

That’s when I think we syphon out our real dreams.  Because obstacles are just there to test how bad we really want something. And it stops the people who don’t care enough. So when we keep standing up, and keep fighting and finally get there, we can appreciate it that much more. So rather than get upset and angry at all of these barriers and problems… perhaps we can look at them as tests to see what we really want out of life. What are we willing to go that extra mile for?

Decisions in Time

A man with a watch knows what time it is. A man with two watches is never sure. –Segal’s Law

My roommate always says how impressed and proud she is that I have a 4-year degree.  Now granted I’m happy about it and it wasn’t exactly easy, but I never really thought about doing anything else. It was always: First you graduate high school, then you go to college. For four years I took classes, got the necessary credits and followed the path to graduation.

The truth is, I think it’s after graduation that the hard part begins. Once the paved path to graduation is over, the world opens up. You no longer have a single, simple goal of finishing your degree. You’re just… done. So what do you do with your life? You make a lot of decisions, go down a lot of different paths and are never quite sure what the outcomes of the other decisions might have been. Sometimes, you’re never quite sure what time it is.

North Poles and Rabbit Holes

Sometimes it's nice to stare into a reflection and get lost in that world...

Did you ever wonder if the person in the puddle is real, and you’re just a reflection of him? –Calvin and Hobbes

Growing up, I looked forward to a lot of exciting things. Christmas meant Santa Clause and presents, Easter meant the Easter bunny and an egg hunt. Even losing a tooth was exciting, as I’d look foward to a visit from the tooth fairy.

Eventually, my big sister was kind enough to inform me that these were all creations of my parents. A whole new reality set in and I looked at things a little differently.

Every day we go through life assuming, accepting and believing things based on experiences and what we’re told. I guess we have to in order to live. But it’s obvious that reality is different for everyone, and can be altered at any time. I wonder how the world felt when they learned it wasn’t flat? How else will we alter our realities?

Parked with Temptation

The road to success is dotted with many tempting parking places. –Author Unknown

I use to have a room in the basement of a split-level house. Sometimes at night, I’d get settled on the couch upstairs watching a movie. By the time it was over, I was quite content to stay put. Of course, I always woke up in the morning curled in an awkward position with an uncomfortably stiff neck. Sure…it was good idea at the time.

Clearly this was a small and insignificant “parking place” in life, but only the beginning of many more to come. It can be so hard to get up and move on when you find yourself comfortable. Maybe you had your eyes on another prize, but why can’t you stop when you feel content?

Because eventually the morning will come and you’ll have wished you made the effort. I think parking places can be fun…like a scenic drive, exploring the view. But only if you’re capable of pushing yourself through when it’s time to keep moving.

The Good Girl

I was an angel for Halloween (Shocking, I know).

Learn to… be what you are, and learn to resign with a good grace all that you are not. –Henri Frederic Amiel

“Awwwe! You’re a good girl.” It’s what I eventually hear from people sooner or later, the first time I meet them. I’m not sure what gives off the impression, but I’ve never really considered myself a “good girl.” Sometimes, the tag can get a little irritating. I hate labels.

So I decided I didn’t want to be “the good girl” anymore. I wanted to be like all my friends and be included in all the shit they get into. I wanted to be fun, too.

I guess for me, that ended up being 4 bottles of saki, too many tequila shots and a slightly faded memory. Sadly, not too badass.

Then, I woke up. And that next day, all of my friends seemed to need me. It felt so natural to help them. I was happy to be able to help, and happy to not be the one in trouble, and I realized that “the good girl” is just who I am.

Maybe I’ll never be included in the crazy shit and sometimes I will feel left out. But when it comes to what I am good at, I’ll be glad I stayed true to myself.

*Just for the record, there is more to these friendships than just doing crazy shit and needing help. lol =)

Evading Pleasantville

Nobody got anywhere in the world by simply being content. –Louis L’Amour (1908 – 1988)

I hate being upset. I hate when my friends are upset. Sometimes, I wish we could all just be happy all the time. But then, flashes of Pleasantville flicker through my mind and I’m brought back to reality.  

No doubt, it’s energizing when things are going well. However, it’s the bad times that truely helps us appreciate the good times so fully. And if life stayed chipper, there would be nothing motivating us to change, grow or move forward. 

This doesn’t mean we have to enjoy the hard times…but a little perspective and understanding can help us make the most of it.

FriEND

“Thy friendship oft has made my heart to ache: do be my enemy for friendship’s sake.” — William Blake

I’m not sure how many people can relate, but this quote means it can’t be too obscure. 

I don’t know how the chemistry of friendship works, or what causes us to care about certain people, but it seems like once we do we’re stuck. No matter what they do, we can’t break the emotional tie. After being dragged through emotional mud, I think: If only I could not care. How do I walk away?

But I usually get a glimpse of the friendship we used to have, and it keeps me holding on. It’s just enough to keep me pulling for that person to come back, even when the emotional costs seem to out-weigh the gains.

If you haven’t guessed yet, drugs have played some factor in this. We all have to live our own lives. It’s just sometimes hard to care about people when they go their own way.

Laugh it Out

“Laughter is inner jogging.” –Norman Cousins

If you want to do something similar to both, try the Wii. I admit, I was skeptical at first. I’m not much for video games. I usually get bored easily and I’m not very competitive. But my friends and roommates were all playing so I decided to give it a try. After a few rounds of boxing, I was hooked. We were swinging and laughing and completely out of breath.

Watching the next boxers go, it was just as funny to see how rediculous we all looked, punching the air, dodging fake jabs, completely oblivious to our surroundings.

It was nice to lighten the mood, shut my mind off, release and have fun. Hope you have a great Labor Day Weekend!

Advice for Rollercoasters

“Advice is what we ask for when we already know the answer but wish we didn’t.” –Erica Jong

My decision to forgo all anonymity means I’ve given up the ability to be as open as I’d like about certain situations. But that doesn’t mean I can’t still express some of the effects.

Over the past year, I’ve been on a bit of a rollercoaster. Each time I’m on an upswing, life is great. Then comes the downswing, and immediately I run to a select few friends. I tell them all the messed up things that happend and how angry and shocked I am. At first, they’re equally shocked and angry with me. They commiserate, giving me all the advice I need to hear.

But then, without taking their advice, I’m back on an upswing again and I barely remember the down. Convinced everything fixed itself, I’m back on my merry way. Inevitably, the downswing comes back and I run back to my friends. By now they’re used to it, and though they’re still there for me, the shock factor has somewhat faded.

I’d be willing to bet we’ve all been in situations like this. We run to our friends (bless them) with our problems, in which they tell us exactly what we need to hear: dump him/her, get a new job, move out, etc. It’s reassuring to hear them say this, because it often backs our intuitive instinct. But throw emotions in the mix and the right answer is not always easy to follow.  So when’s the breaking point? When do we finally get off the ride and give in to the advice we know we should follow?

Jealous Love

“In jealousy there is more self-love than love.” –François, Duc de La Rochefoucauld, Maxims, 1665

The only time I ever saw my ex-boyfriend get jealous was at a bar on New Year’s Eve. He said he didn’t care who I flirted with, as long as I knew who I was going home with.  Apparently exchanging numbers with a guy wasn’t OK either.

I know it wasn’t right, but I felt compelled to push his limit. Why would you try to hurt someone you love? In an immature way, I saw it as proof he loved me. His possessiveness showed me that he cared.

Through grown-up eyes, I realize jealousy doesn’t make sense. Real love is more about trust and free will. Being jealous means wanting something for yourself, not thinking about what the other person wants or needs. Yet, I think it can be a hard emotion to control. A difficult place we sometimes find ourselves in.